just random post....
nothing is much more important than able to take care of yourself. what if this is not my strong point...or is it a path that have to be overcome? i wonder anyone went thru before? please do not be assailed from what i told you earlier.
i have this belief that every single people were brought up in different way and maybe have the same outcome. shall i say in Singapore, we were being bent on education and no other? i felt that was true all this while. that is why i hate being recognize myself from the paper call certificate.what about now? what about today? what if this paper making me going through things i do not wished to be? is this more than i can take it? right now as a staff of the company, i started to bear what is call the responsibility. that is why i do prefer to go this road... not because of anything but... because of something that actually shaken me and it had becoming a phobia that i could not overcome..... no one understand because no one cares or even notice i am changing. deep inside the crying soul has making me lose the will to be who i am. the mask that covers the true self has made me a weird freak doing things that i do not even notice i am overdoing it. forgave my acts if this disturb you all along.
i do envy those who are still pursuing what they wanted to be. their dreams still continues. these opportunity were given without angling for it. i must say i am not jealous of anything... if i want i could be somewhere i wanted to be.
i really have a taste of doing my way when i am burning with something that i called passion. i hope it still burns on... its a flame that burns, something that really makes me positive. strangers really stop what they were doing and just spend a second or even a minute to watch you shine. the fame that wins their heart and also respect.i found reasons to live then.this reason had lived through me so long and last a few minute. can this feeling be longer?
isn't so smooth. this isn't what i choose. so helpless now! no one could save but me. that my body isn't strong, those leg are going limb soon.my mind is so unhealthy. what is wrong with me?
i hope that more people could at least give concern. at least i am not transparent. if you do prefer to leave, i understand. i am not perfect,too little time to live, too little people to be with.i wanted to change to fit into what is call normal people. i can't.it is hard to be bullied by a group. attacking and being belittle all along. no matter how i tried, nothing positive but lies. i wanted to pull off the robe and walk away. i know no one cares, no one be there anyway. i really are thankful of some that really took care of me. those really taught me to be strong and a slim flame to lead the way.
people say you got to lost in order to gain something. this sounds like a trade. i am dumb enough to learn this in a hard way. that is why i really cannot put down all the memory. maybe some. no one can understand this message is private. i passed the password to let you read it. is because TRUST. someday i believe this message will leak and once again. this is not a secret between you(reader) and me. if you really feel that you will have the right to know and not others, let it be something for me to share to you. i can assure you that i only tell a few people like you whom i pass the password for you to read.
